It's Official: Marlins Are Worst Team Ever

It's very difficult to find words to describe the four-hour disaster I just watched on Independence Day.

Tonight, the Marlins appeared set for a blowout. Hanley Ramirez hit a leadoff homer on the very first pitch of the game. The Fish went on to score five runs in the first inning, and continued to pound away on Colorado's pitching. Clearly shellshocked from having more than 1.8 runs behind him, Scott Olsen went on to give up 9 runs, including 3 longballs.

What followed was quite mesmerizing, what I imagine it would be like to watch the Hindenburg disaster live and in person.

Hits flew around and out all over the field, including a quite dramatic grand slam by Matt Holliday. Despite all the blasting (and walks issued by Marlin relievers), Colorado trailed the entire game.

This would all change in the ninth, when Kevin Gregg, easily the worst closer in the Major Leagues (and many of the Minor Leagues as well), failed to get a single out in a blown save. The Rockies poured in the tying and go-ahead runs and Gregg, who may or may not suffer from glaucoma, sulked off the field.

This was Gregg's second straight disaster of epic proportions, as he did the same schtick last night. After the game, an AP source revealed that MLB was considering a new statistic, BSEP (blown save of epic proportions), simply to provide a more accurate numerical portrayal of Gregg's pitching, and to provide a stat in which he could lead the Majors.

The Marlins led by as much as 9 runs, only to give it all back piece by piece. Every pitcher from the bullpen was used, and Renyel Pinto was the only one who did not allow a run in a full inning of work (Joe Nelson tried but failed to allow some runs in 2/3 IP, and Doug Waechter also managed to allow no runs in 1/3 IP, huzzah!). Talk about grand failures.

This is one of those games. One of those games that breaks your season. One of those games you can't fuck up (For Christ sake, Colorado's starting pitcher was bounced in the second inning). One of those games where you try everything and in the end, it still isn't good enough. You still have Kevin Gregg to pitch the ninth, and you still lose.

I wouldn't be surprised if this loss triggered a serious slump for the Fish, and I highly doubt they will be above .500 by the All-Star break.