One Step Forward... and Nine Steps Back

Just when the Marlins string together a couple of wins and show the beginnings of heating up, they throw in a clunker that makes you doubt the legitimacy of your maker. After a dramatic win Saturday night, complete with a Cody Ross walk-off homer in the bottom of the ninth, and then a Sunday rout with one of our best young pitching prospects winning his MLB debut, the Fish proceeded to look like a local tee-ball team Monday night.

In this game that was brutally painful to watch, the Marlins failed in every single aspect of the game. Let's approach these one-by-one:

1 - Starting pitching. The main culprit of last night's debacle: Mark Hendrickson. Yes, folks, he's completely regressed to the mean (and is likely well below it by now). Here's his pitching line: 2.1 IP; 6 R (5 ER); 3 BB; 3 HR. Yes, the Big Sleazy gave up number 600 to Griffey on a sweeping, hung curveball. That's alright, it's Griffey. Then he gives up a 3-run homer to catcher Paul Bako. Paul Bako who entered the game with 15 homers in 10 years. But Bako would not be stopped tonight, for some reason inconceivable to human brains.

2 - Timely hitting. After trailing 6-0 most of the game due to Hendrickson's piss-poor abilities, the Fish managed to scratch back 3 runs in the fifth, the first time Volquez allowed more than 2 runs in a start all year. It's a good start, but Mike Jacobs, one of the last players I would want up with the game on the line, can't knock anybody else in. The next inning, the Fish would do something that I simply love to watch, which is have runners at first and second with no outs, and then fail to convert a single run at all. Simply breathtaking. The Marlins would leave 18 men on base during the game. That's atrocious. At least Mike Jacobs hit the equivalent of a garbage-time home run. Way to contribute, Jake.

3 - Relief pitching. After Jacobs' homer in the eighth, the game was 6-4, with the Fish still having a chance in the bottom of the ninth. But the bullpen would not have this. They would take their phone call, get their relievers ready, and promptly exclaim, "We WILL take our team out of this game." Renyel Pinto, the baseball equivalent of Rex Grossman, promptly enters the game, avoiding the strike zone at all costs. After a double to Adam Dunn, followed by a wild pitch, a sac fly scored Dunn. Then Pinto truly demoralizes the fan base by giving up another home run to Paul Bako, this time a 2-run shot. Yes, Paul Bako. No, he's never had a multi-homer game. In fact, he hit as many home runs in this one game as he did from 2003-2007. It's hard to be anything but speechless.

4 - Defense. Jorge Cantu made his nightly quota for missed plays that a Little Leaguer would make. Luis Gonzalez watched in disbelief as a routine fly ball erupted out of his glove. Hanley turned a caught stealing of Jay Bruce into an error that put Bruce at third. Three errors, three more incentives to burn myself with red-hot cigar butts.

So all in all, the Fish turn in another performance that makes you want to gouge your eyes out ala Oedipus and aimlessly roam the dusty plains for eternity. It's only a matter of time before Hendrickson is out of the rotation, in favor of Chris Volstad. This move could happen as soon as late June. Hendo had a nice little run at the beginning of the season, but he won't replicate it. He's a career middle reliever, and a sub-par one at that.

At least we don't have to jump right into a series with a red-hot division rival. Oh, wait...